|Emily AC: Multi-Talented Comedian||
...And if think I was going to take their bullshit; YOU'RE RETARDED!!! No... that's mean to retards! All the retards I ever knew and adored were masters of common sense! They would know that I don't care if you're an animal; I want a god damn fight!!!
She this bitch on the left side of the house seems to have a problem with me smoking weed on the side of the house... where I have to smoke weed if I want to smoke weed at all... and, of course, I do!!!
...So this stupid bitch is giving me shit 'cuz she's crazy with terrible owners... and you know what, bitch? I was being nice to you! But you're too big of a bitch! So I started threatening her!
...This is how we gon' play, huh, bitch??? That's what I told her with my eyes! She kept moving from the cracks in the fence... So I did, too! I'm a bitch, too, and I think you're fucking WEAK!!!
Finally, when I smelled her fear... I got really big, really fast... "ARF!" The bitch backed away from the fence and flashed her inferiority... I was like, "you're no match for me..." and I went on the other side of the yard... where two psycho buddies neighbor on the other side!
Now I'm having deal with another bitch! This time a chihuahua instead a mastiff or whatever the fuck (prolly pitbull) is on the left!
...So this l'il bitch chihuahua is giving me shit for having a cigarette! I'm like, "WHAT THE FUCK??? ARE ALL THE DOGS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD ASSHOLES???"
With that... a chorus of barking dogs in every direction starts chiming! A golden retriever from the same yard as the bitch chihuahua jumps on a garbage can, puts its front paws over the fence a little bit and gives me the fucking evil eye while he starts to deeply bark.
So... out come the crazy eyes, "You know what, fucker? I used to deliver NEWSPAPERS!!! I've had to deal with PLENTY of dogs!!! Now that little bitch *pointing to chihuahua* has a problem with ME and I didn't do SHIT!!! If YOU *points to golden retriever* want to hop on over here *points down in front of feet* and try tell me something... YOU GO AHEAD!!! *hands and arms thrown wildly overhead*
The golden retriever jumps back with a jolt and hops off the garbage can. Then he grumbles to the chihuahua... who whimpers. The golden retriever grumbles, again, and the chihuahua grows silent.
That's right, bitches, the AntiChrist talks to animals and they understand I mean business!!!
*angry cheek kiss* I love me some bitches, too, though!