|Emily AC: Multi-Talented Comedian||
Last year... when I discovered the true nature of happiness and what it takes to aquire it... That was when, really, I became a rape target.
That's when these experiences started happening...
Everyone thinks it's because they sense your history of abuse... Nay... it's because the psycho is jealous. That's why they always assume that those against them are jeaous of them... they only attack that of which they are jealous...
It never entered my mind that men could be jealous of women... but men are sexually driven creatures... and women attract sex. It's just that simple. Men wish they could just be there and we would just care about it.
The honest truth is that we just can't. There's too many of you that approach... and most of those that approach are never the ones we want.
Very attractive men understand what I'm talking about... they attract so many women... even despite the fact that they want to have sex with as many women as possible; they simply can't. The guy from third dog night actually exploded his testicles trying to do so!
However, I digress...
I found my peace, again, this morning. It started from last night...
I was dancing and listening to music, again, smoking a cigarette (as usual). Low and behold... the little green spider that I danced with the other morning was dangling right in front of my face...
My immediate instinct... to kill it... arose. I caught the line with my cigarette... and just before I was going to round and burn the thing... I found myself, instead, compelled to ease it to the ground slowly... so I did.
The curious little spider, at first, scuttled into hiding... and after not quite a second... ran right back out as if to greet me! It climbed to the highest point it could reach! I couldn't believe what I was seeing... and had to write it off as weird coincidence and delusion... but, in my mind, I felt as though the spider was trying to talk to me.
...I realized that as I'd previously thought I'd overcome my fear of spiders by constantly burning them all... that was hate... which was driven by fear. I wasn't deathly afraid of spiders! I was afraid they were going to bite my boobs! MY WONDERFUL BEWBS!!! THAT'S A NO-NO!!!
Letting them live means that I don't feel the need to control them, anymore.
Well... in deciding not to wait for the violent rapist with a weapon... I was deciding not to control them. Them... all of them.
Indeed; I intend to mind-control them. But the difference between the mind-control I propose to do; as opposed to what the controllers are doing... and even what that silly little man tried to do; I propose to control you in a directional sense. This is not to harm you in any way.
This is help ease your inner struggles. This is not to pain you. This is to help you learn the tools to control your life, on your own, without the need for constant therapy sessions.
Therapy is tedious. Reliving your life's old scenerios... without improving upon yourself... well; that sounds like personal torture. It is never up to someone else to make you happy.
Ironically; this movement suggests we do just that. The reason being: happiness, at the core, is nothing more than chemical balance of the brain.
What this means is... you only need to know how to trigger happiness. Once you've learned it; you'll never forget. You can always get back to it!
When I was dancing today... in the sunshine... no barking dogs... just me and my cigarette... no music... just what little nature the backyard area of the fenced-in yard could bestow...
I found myself testing my body's physical core strength... I did this unconsciously... The movements were very fluid... I could hear the words of my daughter's ballet teacher, Toni Hawks-Floydd: "Remember there's a string above your head that you always have to pull..."
She was referring to your center of gravity. "Your center." I was doing ballerina movements! I didn't even notice! I kept putting my feet in positions that were best to my center... and they were ballet positions!
The movements of my arms looked like it, too! But I am a clumsy person, by nature, and I found myself losing my center--and then I would gracefully find it again! It was exhilerating!
And I'd stretched out and felt limber... I found myself making hand and arm movements much like that snotty chi-gong instructor that owned a vegan restaurant, and yet, was so morbidly obese that he needed an electric scooter... who chastised me for not wanting my young daughter's to emulate miley cyrus...
He said, "The power of chi is spiritual... and an atheist wouldn't understand it."
Well... I just fucking did it when I was outside fucking around! There was no "LIGHT" inside of me! I just felt amazing and special and wonderful and alive! And when I felt like dancing... that's what I did when my body grew tired and I wanted to wind down.
I wasn't really thinking in words. I just wanted to dance... and I found my inner peace...
...although, secretly, I know that I was planning on doing this! I already mentioned it in a previous post! I thought I'd have to meditate for a day... but I just had to go and dance for twenty minutes, or so!
...This is because I just don't dance very often! No wonder Kelly L. from school always seemed so happy! Dancing can make you feel happy!!! I never questioned her happiness because I didn't dare accidentally destroy it!
She always identified as a dancer... She told me even though I'd never asked... I just wasn't observant enough!
*extended hug and serene hum*