|Emily AC: Multi-Talented Comedian||
...Ask my friend Sarah... when I was in high school I had terrifying dreams of being...
...gang raped to DEATH!!!
That's really when I started lifting weights.
I hated going to sleep. I couldn't do it, after a while... except in math class. My teacher was pregnant. She was my math teacher the previous year...
...The previous year... SHE WAS A ROCK STAR!!! I loved going to math class! That was an experience I never had, previously!
God damn, it! She was amazing!
She was a coach of the softball team... she had a boy haircut... she was a mom and wore (ugly) normal clothes!
...BUT SHE WAS EXCITED ABOUT MATH!!! SHE THOUGHT IT WAS COOL AND FUN!!!
My favorite "lecture" she was explaining "!" She said...
"I said that next to a five and I a thought, 'FIVE!!!'" and she threw hers hands in the air and her eyes got really wide! It was the funniest thing, like, ever!!! Because I did practically the same thing when I saw that symbol in math, the first time.
In fact... There was this one time my math wizard/dickhead older brother; when he felt like being a prick to me (like always); tossed me one his math problems and said, "Here. Try to figure that math problem out."
It was four lines long. I took a look at this... thing... completely MORTIFIED...
"I'm sorry, Vincent... this is not a math problem. This is a paragraph with numbers... and due to the amount of editor's marks... you need to hellah fix it."
Because I'm a writer and not a mather.
Anyways... the year in question... with haunting nightmares... This amazing teacher was pregnant. What's worse? She was a VIKINGS fan... as any Vikings fan will tell you; it is a torturous existence, indeed.
SOMETIMES the Vikings live up to their name; they rape, pillage, burn and destroy any team that they can get their hands on (up until the superbowl)...
...other times they down and take the rape, themselves!!!
The previous year (when said teacher wasn't pregnant) the Vikings had one of their awesome years! Then... in her utter happiness, she fucked her husband like everyday was christmas...
Then, she got knocked up; the vikings SUCT... and one her favorite students starting dying right before her eyes in class!!!
...In these dreams I LOOKED LIKE A TEENAGER!!! I knew I was a mother in the dream. I never understood why that was always a factor in the dream; my children were never there.
I had other dreams feeding a white-looking baby-boy with brown hair...
...when I fed my son in his high chair... he had brown hair...
I started getting into fighting with my brother. It became a daily thing that we did in front of mother while she was watching tv... Because she thought it was entertaining!
...MY BROTHER IS A BEAST!!! THIS GUY HAD BEEN THE NUMBER ONE PSYCHO TORMENTING ME FOR YEARS!!!
I overcame my sister, first... because she's just a wuss no matter she does! That's why she has to act like a bitch all the time! Guys that rape want easy targets! Bitches... first off... don't seem like they hide secrets like HAPPY girls do! But, also... they don't take any shit!!!
I get mistaken for being a perfect victim just because I love everyone...
...it's a motherfucking curse!!!
My math teacher... losing her spirit, completely... became the only way to fall asleep. I felt safe with her... and her voice became soothing. I wanted to ask her to tape herself talking for me so I could sleep at night...
...She asked me, sort of, about what was going on... after I started failing from falling asleep in class.
"You would probably understand the concepts better if you stayed awake in class," she said.
Remembering the golden rule of: 'Don't mention what's bothering you if it sounds too demented''...
"I can't sleep at night, anymore. It's nothing personal. You're the only thing that can get me to sleep." She took it personally. She hated me after that. I also printed off a Vikings joke that she took personally, too.
...Never underestimate how INVOLVED a Minnesotan can get with their precious FOOTBALL.
I started watching, "Kiana's Flex Appeal..." She was a sexy, short woman... ripped to high-heaven. She will murder you if you try to touch her.
...I always told Sarah it was prophetic. I never said it was just a dream. It always seemed like a warning!
If, indeed, it IS true... and that is my fate... this is not the consortium of rapists that will murder me.
They slightly vary in creed... but they are mostly white. They conceal their faces. Some of them will die. They don't care. They work on numbers, alone...
...if my dream was true... these men are POWERFUL... NOTHING LIKE a gang of teenaged sissy-boys that just needed mommy's cuddles!!!
In court... should this irritation bring me there... I shall describe the incident like this:
"After the men broke in, I threw myself into bloodlust and began attacking them, two at a time..."
...The rest will be history if those retarded little brats keep up their shenanigans!